Can One Be Sex Positive Without Being Pro-Hoe?

Would I consider myself a feminist? Yes.

Would I consider myself sex positive? Mostly.

Would I consider myself pro-hoe? No.

Is sex positivity and pro-hoe the same thing? Not exactly.

Do I think sex is inherently bad? No I do not.

Do I think sex can be good if done in the right circumstance with the right person at the right time and place? Yes.

Do I think women having sex is worse than men having sex? No. However it should be acknowledged that women anatomically and emotionally have a lot more to lose than men do when it comes to sex.

It’s not that there are no women out there who can have sexual feelings and have no emotional attachment, but that is more the exception than the norm.There is a chemical release of oxytocin. Yes, men can get attached as well to their partners, they usually don’t however, due to the necessity of mass reproduction being required in males in nature.

There are issues I have with the movement that I am not in agreement with so I am hesitant to simply state that I am sex positive. I am definitely not pro-hoe nor do I approve of “embracing” words such as “slut” or “bitch” to describe me or any other woman.

If other women feel empowered by doing that is their decision, but if anyone asks me, woman or man, I want no one referring to me by those derogatory terms. I understand the purpose of trying to de-stigmatize the action of women who have sex but I have never been a big supporter of “embracing” and redefining derogatory terms such as the “nigga” issue in the Black community.

It’s mostly due to the fact that I have very bad traumatic memories associated with the word bitch, slut and hoe. I have rarely ever been called slut or hoe, but I have been called bitch at least a hundred times in my life.

The first time I was called that I was punched in the boob in fifth grade. It stung and I understood what the word meant. I have a physical pain to associate with it. It was actually by a boy I liked who I was told to stay away from because he was bad. I didn’t listen, and I loved to tease and harass him. It wasn’t healthy.

My first boyfriend in a frustrated rage called me that once and apologized, but I felt so disrespected, that he had crossed a line. I feel that even if angry, calling someone out their name like that is a deal-breaker and a relationship ought to be ended.

Another friend of mine who attended a multicultural organization I created slandered my name when an incident occurred where he had to be removed from the group by me. He went around calling me that to other people.

I’ve sat in a middle school class where a very disturbed individual would call me that every day, multiple times a day, for no reason. It was so bad I had to request that my seat be moved he was so mean-spirited. He even implied that my best friend and I were lesbians because we were so close and kind to one another. What a sick, sad individual he was. Shame on him!

Words like queer, bitch, slut, hoe, and nigga are words I highly doubt I’ll ever embrace.

I highly support sex education and view it as extremely necessary.

I support using protection during sexual activity and the promotion and distribution of information of those products.

I support sexual activity within the confines of a monogamous loving and respectful relationship, at an older age 18+, preferably a committed one whether long term, engaged or married, and definitely with the use of protection.

The reason I said 18+ is because I don’t believe that teenagers are in a developmentally appropriate stage to handle and fully understand the magnitude of what sex can do to them emotionally, mentally and physically. It’s not to say that adults cannot or are not impacted by sex, but it’s a more appropriate developmental stage in which to engage in it, I feel.

What I as an individual approve of does mean I have the right to demean anyone who diverts from that.

I don’t have the right to attack people who are promiscuous, have polyamorous relationships, have sex unprotected or have sex young.

Still, attacking and disapproving are two different things.

I do not need to support free sex with anyone and everyone because one wants to and I am very much against that because it’s extremely unsafe and risky to do so.

For health reasons alone that is unwise. For safety reasons alone that is unwise. Society is not as liberal as people see on the surface and many traditional values lie beneath our words. Our thoughts aren’t solely controlled by society’s viewpoints, but also they are strongly affected by nature.

I do believe that sex is a very sacred and spiritual exchange. Some people are of the opinion that’s all in our head and that’s a mental, emotional perception. Whether it is or not, I was raised on that thinking, so it would be very difficult to all of the sudden break out of it. It’s not that I don’t believe that people can have casual sex, it’s that I myself, sex for me, is a very emotional, spiritual, mental, physical exchange.

Sex is not the same experience for everyone with every partner.

While I don’t believe that women should be stigmatized for having sex, I think women should not be having sex with whomever, whenever, however.

I don’t believe that’s healthy. I feel the same way for men as well.

I don’t believe that having multiple exchanges with multiple partners is a good thing for your body, mind, heart, soul or spirit.

I’m against promiscuity for any gender.

So while I support sex education, and I am against the attacks of women who many wear something considered revealing or inappropriate, I would not ever consider myself pro-hoe and sex positive, well, I’d say there are some aspects of it with which I agree and some that I do not.