I am so glad that we are growing in our awareness of various terms to identify emotions and identities that people have had but had no words to express
I identify as bisexual for the most part because that is the most understandable term for the general public but if I were to get more detailed and use lesser known terms I would identify as a Demisexual Biromantic.
Demisexuals are pretty much half sexual. They fall in the middle of the spectrum between sexual people vs. asexual people.
I don’t experience sexual attraction (for the most part) without having a romantic emotional connection with the person.
I do experience sensual attraction in that yes, I have seen someone that I find attractive and may desire to touch them, but I do not desire to have full on sex with them, male or female.
I’d rather eat pizza or *have cake than have sex. There are many things I would rather do then have sex. When I say this, many people interpret it as meaning that I do not like sex. It doesn’t mean that, it means that I find other things more pleasurable than sex or that I don’t hold sex as the epitome of pleasure.
I am biromantic because I have I have romantic feelings towards both sexes, however sexually, I don’t really desire to have sex with either males or females.
I’m very much a receiver, not so much a doer.
Some partners have mistaken this as me not loving them because I am no “displaying physically” enough.
Love is no equivalent with sex or how much I touch someone.
It hurts me to know that society wraps love expressions into one form, usually sexual.
Sex positivity has positives and negatives. Some negatives are that concept being promoted that to live a healthy, full human life that individuals should have sex as much, with as many partners as they desire.
Some people desire no sex. Some people desire sex a little and for some people sex is simply a situational choice, but not a major priority or desire.
That’s totally normal.
However people who look at reproduction and our drive to reproduce and have sex see asexuals, demisexuals and everything on the Ace spectrum as abnormal.
I remember thinking that sexual people were abnormal because even though I went through puberty I was not experiencing the major sexual attraction and urges that teens were having. I did not understand why people were so “perverted” in my eyes.
Now I have language to express my emotions.
So many times when it came to my sexuality it wasn’t me questioning why am I not like other people, it was why are other people not like me?
I truly wondered how teen peers of mine could watch music videos on television and not be aroused by the sexy video vixens on tv.
I also would like to talk about the fact that bisexuality or biromanticism is not simply 50%/50%.
I am more attracted to women then men, specifically, thick, curvy, bigger women.
I romantically attach to both sexes just as much but when it comes to sensual attraction I am much more attracted to women.
Sexuality is complex and personal and even though some people are irritated by all of the terms that are coming out, I appreciate them very much because I feel that emotions I have felt most my life are being validated and identified.
Still, the general public is not aware of these lesser known terms, and even though identifying as bisexual has it’s downsides and misconceptions and stereotypes, it’s really the most understandable term I can use to identify myself.
I am glad for the demisexual identity addition because some people think that bisexual people are hyper-sexual because we are attracted to both sexes. In actuality I am very selective of my partners, I would not say picky, but there’s a lot more that I take into consideration before dating someone apart from being attracted to them.
In fact, I am so selective I seriously wish I could simply conduct dating like an interview. I would prefer to write out what I am looking for and my deal breakers and interests, and whoever matches can apply and I will consider them for a second interview.
This may sound stuck up but hey, I am a dynamic woman, I deserve the best and no less. If it means that I’ll be single for a while then so be it. I’ve been single for several years, and I have had very few partners.
Some people assume that if someone has little dating experience that they have not had the chance to have min-blowing life-altering sex to realize how sexual they actually are.
But I honestly do not care to find out. Honestly I have always regretted becoming a sexual romantic being, I do not enjoy experiencing those emotions because it usually ends in heartbreak for me or unrequited love and I just consider those emotions very distracting from me reaching my best self.
If I was fully focused on self-actualization and elevation of my own transformation I would not be falling to pieces or licking old wounds of people who hurt me.
Loving the wrong people can really destroy a person internally. I am more guarded because of it and more closed and I feel that’s ok. I don’t believe it’s safe or smart to be too open with people, especially romantically.
Anyway, that’s just me though. Glad and proud to be demisexual biromantic!