I have been watching a very good and educational series on youtube called Bisexual Real Talk.
It has helped to validate many emotions and thoughts I had felt about the LGBTQ community and Bisexuality.
The person who host this channel identifies as a mostly straight bisexual, so I cannot relate to that in a sense because I am a mostly gay bisexual.
I appreciate that the Kinsey scale shows a spectrum where people can place themselves where they feel they fit and since at no point in my life have I ever felt like my bisexual attraction has fluctuated or changed in a fluid sense I can place myself where I have always felt I belong.
I would be a 4 on the Kinsey Scale.
It has never been 50/50 for me. It has always been more so 80/20 for me. I feel mostly gay feelings and less straight feelings, but I feel that if I were to identify as gay, that it would not only be an outright lie, but it would deny a true emotion that exists for me towards men.
Even though some men are even more turned on by the “idea of turning out a lesbian woman” I would not want to deny myself access to men by identifying as such and them not considering me. Ironically enough however, bisexuality is so stigmatized and understood that I would probably raise my chances dating wise with men by identifying as lesbian. Isn’t that crazy?
Most of my dating experiences have been male only. This is due to the fact that is has taken me some time to become comfortable enough with myself to be out. I also live in isolated areas that do not have any major LGBTQ communities that I can join. In that sense, I can count on my fingers how many LGBTQ people I know. It is not many at all and that is sad.
I have only been to one gay club in my entire life, it was called Legends in North Carolina during a Bachelorette party. I had a wonderful time there and in one night I kissed two guys and one girl! It was so freeing and I was so happy and I felt fully comfortable to express myself.
It was the most people I had ever kissed in one setting and I’m usually way to shy to do something so bold. When I was there I felt like I could fully be myself and I was elated!
Some things were stated in the videos that I only feel apply to mostly straight bisexuals and some statistics implied that they would ultimately pick one type of partner over the other.
For me, I really don’t see myself settling down with a man. I can see myself certainly dating one, but having a husband? Probably not. At the same time however, I don’t see myself settling down with anyone. I don’t really desire to have a wife either.
I just can’t conceive of sharing and intertwining huge chunks of my life with another human being for whom I have to partner with until death do us part.
I have loved people but I have not had healthy relationships. I would like to experience a healthy relationship one day.
I still have not loved someone enough to marry them however. I do love heavily, quickly and hard.
That kind of strong passion causes a lot of heartbreak and so I actually try to hold back those emotions as much as possible but it almost never works because it spills out of me like a tsunami would break a dam.
I really just wanted to say that I really appreciate that videos like this exist. He spoke about Bisexual feelings such as anger and resentment towards the Gay community for treating us like outcasts that don’t belong. He spoke on Straight Privilege but also the downsides to that of which there are many.
Bisexuality is a very complex existence and for me it’s even more complex because in reality, to the people who understand and are aware of the definition, I identify as a demisexual biromantic. I fall on the ace scale at the halfway point and even though I can be quite sensual, I’m just not that sexual of a person action wise.
My love is expressed more so through emotional means. I pour it out heavily. I love people deeply. It’s more so a burden than anything but it’s the way God made me.
I also appreciate the Klein Grid which includes the Asexual spectrum. I am a D4 on that scale. For some it may seem so overkill to have all these new labels and sexuality scales but trust me when I say I appreciate them all because back when I was a teenager I had no names or studies to apply to how I felt and now that I do I feel much more secure in those feelings.