I cannot possibly in one blog encompass my various feelings on the LGBTQ+ community and their issues but I would like to highlight some of my feelings and experiences below.
Interestingly enough “gay” stuff was never really an issue for me to accept, even when I was young. That might be due to the fact that I am part of the community myself being bisexual with a preference for women. However I remember no realized feelings towards women in a romantic or sexual way until age eleven. Prior to that I had “crushes” on boys and I mostly tormented and teased them to show my twisted affection because I thought that was what you were supposed to do to get their attention and I feared rejection.
To be honest this may confuse some people but it was actually a Christian concept that solidifies my beliefs about transgender issues in one regard. We are spirits that live within vessels that will become part of the Earth when we die and our spirits, our gender-less spirits will continue on into heaven. To me that creates the idea that only the spirit matters, what is inside is vital, the heart and the soul which each person has regardless of gender. To me my spirit will not go to heaven as a woman’s spirit, it will simply be a spirit. To me my body was chosen like shaking a bag of marbles, I just happened to have my spirit placed in a woman’s body.
If reincarnation is real, which I am open to the possibilities of, because hey, I cannot prove that I am not reincarnated, and if I cannot remember my past life or proof it then why the heck could it not be true, then my spirit could have easily been in a man’s body, in a woman’s body and traits from those past lives could have remained while I was the opposite sex.
I have traits that society would consider masculine traits even though I am female. I have some of those traits because of how I was raised as well as my natural personality. However masculine and feminine are defined by society and if we really evaluated within young children their demeanors and their personalities we would find a less biased behavior. We would find boys that cry and girls that fight, boys that want to be cooks and dancers and girls that want to be boxers and race car drivers. These kids have had little influence to sway them in another direction that tells them what they must like to fit their gender role. In that respect my “masculine” traits are not masculine but rather simply traits period of my own personality that are normal and natural for a any person.
Hormones do affect our personalities. Perhaps I have more testosterone than most women. I don’t know nor do I really care. It has always confused me why people get up in arms about gender and how people identify. Gender doesn’t matter that much to me at all really and neither does sexuality.
I just see myself as a spirit in a vessel and the vessel does not matter.
As far as my attraction goes I tend to be attracted to feminine energy and feminine aesthetics. At the same time I tend to be attracted to androgynous beauty as well because it is unique. I like striking, shocking, harsh and edgy alternative looks. Harsh and edgy is considered a masculine trait but I see plenty of women, especially models with those kinds of looks. I like strong jaws and prominent cheek bones. I like striking eyes and narrow eye brows. I like when people look angry and seductive like wolves. I really like small narrow eyes and I do appreciate the aesthetic of monolids as well. I like tall and short as well as very curvy, thick, voluptuous bodies. Again however while I may have my own likes, it doesn’t mean the stuff unlisted is stuff I dislike. There are aspects in a personality that I can like so much that override outside appearances.
Macho or uber masculine traits don’t usually attract me. I am usually turned off by those kinds of aesthetics. “Lumberjack Joe” or “Gaston” with the long, thick straggly beard and or rippling muscles and six pack isn’t the sort of guy that turns me on. I like a “feminine” guy who is somewhat flamboyant with a flirtatious flair and playful sensuality.
I usually like femmes over butches, but I am not closed off to butches, I just tend to be very intimidated by them. They seem so cool and smooth and way out of my league because I am awkward and nerdy.
As far as other people and their opinions about the LGBTQ+ community and sexuality and gender and sex I feel like people care far too much about these kinds of things. How people get offended by people desiring to identify themselves in that way that makes them feel comfortable and validated is beyond me.
Some say that sex is biological, some say that it is a social construct and some say that it is a nature vs. nurture and that both affect us. I say that it is both. That is my personal opinion. I feel that our biological chromosomes and hormones affect us as well as how we are raised and taught to behave in whatever cultural gender roles we are given.
I know some people are freaked out by the people who are choosing to raise their children as “x” or non-binary children without gender roles. I personally think that it is really cool for a parent to let their child like what they like and choose what they want without shoving blue or pink down their throats. At the same time, while I am liberal, I still understand that the world outside is very unforgiving, not as progressive and a child may be subject to bullying and confusion if they are not taught how other people see the gender binary system. It’s important to teach children what the outside world thinks too, because keeping them naïve, idealistic and ignorant is dangerous.
Many things in this world come in many forms just like the same ingredients in a different recipe can make a different dish which is a great metaphor for our genitals. There is this or that but there is so much more beyond this or that in this world. There is both, neither, either and something else. There are spectrums and variations among animals and humans. There are tree frogs that change their sex, male sea horses who give birth, etc. reproduction and sex are not binary.
I hope that years from now, sooner than later, we will look back and see how ridiculous we were about all of this. People are making a big fuss over nothing. People just want to live their lives fulfilled feeling validated and accepted and loved for who they are. I think it’s not that hard to do. I think we put way too much of an emphasis on gender.
I myself if I could choose a gender I would choose neither. I identify as a woman but I never cared to be a woman or human really. I would have chosen to be a magical creature like a fairy without genitals or breasts and with wings. I used to pray for wings because I wanted to fly so badly.
I kind of aspired to be an angel at times because when I was young I thought they were perfect or as close to perfect and to God as one could get and I did not want the burden of constantly making errors as a human.
I think queer people are really special and that they should celebrate their uniqueness. They are not strange or bad, they are different and beautiful. They are not one or the other, but something else entirely and I think being able to understand both of something, being multifarious in a world that insists on black or white is an amazing thing to be.
We are unicorns, mermaids and faeries. We are magical creatures. That is something to celebrate. That is something to love. That is something to embrace.